Let's talk about the menopause...

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Hot flushes. Night sweats. Brain fog. Irritability. Anxiety. Crying at adverts. Forgetting why you walked into a room. Wondering whether you actually said that out loud. Fed up at work, at home, in friendships and relationships, a wardrobe full of clothes that are feeling a bit too snug...

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Being bombarded with a social media feed that suggests a million different things that can help. Gummies, mushroom tea, air conditioning units, magnets that you stick in your pants, enough pills to make you rattle.

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A face or body that you don't quite recognise in the mirror. A relationship that feels different, irritating, confusing at times.

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For some women, the changes are manageable. For others, menopause can affect almost every part of life: your mood, confidence, sleep, relationships, sex life, work and sense of who you are.

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Combine this with a transitional life stage - maybe you have children who are stressed about exams, growing up and leaving home, struggling with their own mental health. Aging parents who also need you more than ever, whilst still having to work and pay the bills. 

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Sometimes counselling is about helping you get through a difficult period. Sometimes it's about recognising that menopause has highlighted things that weren't working particularly well before — and deciding what you want to change.

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"Is this me, or is it menopause?"

One of the hardest things about menopause can be figuring out what is actually going on.

You might find yourself feeling anxious or low when you've never particularly struggled with either before. You may become more irritable, overwhelmed or emotional. Things that you previously coped with quite easily can suddenly feel like they're requiring the organisational skills of a space mission.

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You might also find yourself thinking:

"Why am I suddenly so anxious?"

"Why can't I remember anything?"

"Why am I so bloody angry?"

"Why am I awake at 3am thinking about something embarrassing I did in 1998?"

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And sometimes the answer is: menopause

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Of course, not everything is menopause. Life doesn't conveniently stop throwing things at us just because our hormones are changing. There may be relationship difficulties, work pressures, caring responsibilities, changes in identity, ageing parents, children leaving home, or simply the realisation that you have spent years looking after everyone else and have rather forgotten about yourself.

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Often, it's a combination of things.

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And what about relationships?

Menopause doesn't happen in isolation.

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It can affect how you feel about yourself and how you relate to the people around you. You may feel less patient, less confident or less interested in sex. You might feel disconnected from your partner or frustrated that they don't seem to understand what you're experiencing.

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And if you're sweating, exhausted, anxious and haven't slept properly for six months, being asked "What's for dinner?" can occasionally feel like a personal attack.

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Changes in libido can also be difficult to talk about. You may feel embarrassed, rejected, unattractive or simply confused about why something that used to feel natural suddenly feels very different.

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Counselling can provide a place to talk honestly about these things without judgement — including the things you might not feel comfortable saying anywhere else.

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So, how can talking about it help?

Counselling won't stop the hot flushes. ​But it can help you make sense of what you're experiencing and find ways of coping with the emotional impact of menopause.

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Therapy can give you space to:

• understand changes in your mood, anxiety and confidence

• explore feelings of anger, rage, sadness or overwhelm

• cope with changes to your identity and sense of self

• work through relationship difficulties and talk about sex and intimacy

• manage stress and feelings of being unable to cope

• rebuild self-esteem

• explore old patterns that may suddenly feel much harder to manage

• think about what you actually want from this next stage of your life

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You don't have to "just get on with it"

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Women often feel that they just have to put up with menopause. ​Yes, it's natural. So is childbirth. That doesn't mean you have to struggle through it without support.

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Talking to a therapist can give you somewhere to pause, take a breath and work out what is happening beneath all the noise.

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And if you're currently experiencing hot flushes, brain fog, anxiety, rage, exhaustion and an inexplicable desire to move to a remote island where nobody can ask you where you've put their keys...

You're definitely not alone.​